Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Sex Fun Fact Chronicles: Part 1 The Early Years

In an effort to keep the creative juices flowing (no pun intended) I thought, "Hey!  A series of fun, interesting, and possibly weird sex facts!"
So here we are folks, the first of a handful of blogs on sex throughout history. Feedback is always welcome, and if there's an era or a people that you'd like to see mentioned, throw it at me! 


The Beginning of Time, Perhaps?

Early man perhaps became bipedal in an effort to obtain sex.  In the natural order of things, a big alpha male would simply look for as many ovulating mates as possible thereby producing as many offspring as possible.  What happens when a tree happy quadruped who's not all that big and dominant decides he wants some action? Well, maybe he brings ole gal some food...gotta have a couple of hands and a delivery method.  She's going to appreciate being doted on, even if he is a bit smaller than the ape-dude chilling in that tree over there.  I mean lets think about it, don't we usually put out by the 3rd dinner date??  I suppose we truly aren't so far removed from our ancestors!

The Romans and Beyond!

Tiberius!!  Ruler, Emperor, monumental freak.
This lover of little boys had frequent parties with youngsters engaging in daisy chains while he watched and occasionally participated.

Kissing.  Male- Female kissing was frowned upon when out in the public eye, with the exception of husbands returning from a wild night out.  The goal however was not so much affection as it was to detect booze on her old man.  Upon hearing of a particular Roman custom kissing became even more taboo, apparently Roman men were in the habit of brushing their teeth with urine.

Egyptians and Greeks had differing opinions on aphrodisiacs, particularly food items.  The Greeks believed that lettuce would in fact, wither an erection.  While the Egyptians believed in serving romaine at festivals celebrating the fertility god Min.   Olive oil was a great stress reliever as well...they didn't have KY his and hers ya know...

Commodus!!  Yes like the guy from the movie Gladiator.
A great fan of gladiating, he was also a bit of a freak, much like his predecessors.  His parents Marcus Aurelius and Faustina had a nifty little bedroom trick they enjoyed when she became smitten with a particular gladiator.  She was ordered to have sex with him, he was to be killed while on top of her and she to bathe in his blood.  She then was to have sex with her husband after a swift clean up.

Sabrina and Hadrian!!  Polyamory at its finest.
A classically arranged couple with a husband who classically enjoyed men and women.  He became particularly fond of a teenager from Blythe.  His wife was not so ignorant to the match as he most likely believed.  On a trip to Egypt the young man disappeared, no body was ever found.  In his grief the old man deified the boy, having statues created and naming a city after him.  Long after, when his wife died, he did the same, naming her a goddess.

These are just a few of the many fun facts that ripped through Rome, Greece, and Egypt.  The Greeks are credited with anal sex, the Egyptians have Osiris being mounted after death by Isis to produce the son and heir Horus.  Stay tuned, this series is going to get good!!

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