Tuesday, May 14, 2013

The Insecurity Game

Night clubs.
Big hair.
Low cut shirts.
Pretty women.
Good looking men.

Hey hot girl!  Yeah you!  Right there!  Eating ice cream, in your pj's, listening to the Big Bang Theory and Facebook stalking random folks.  Chances are you've had the above happen on more than one occasion.  Whether you were the intimidatee, or the intimidator, it's happened.  Ever wonder why or how it happens?  Or, even better, how to prevent it?  Assuming you're not the kind of broad who goes out looking to make other chicks as uncomfortable as possible...this might take a few minutes to process.  If you are the kind of broad who is out to rattle some cages, well sugar, you can do better than lower yourself to a standard that requires the belittling of others to build yourself up in your own eyes.  

So here we go.

So you're out with your friends, drinking, laughing, dancing, doing what you do...you happen to be single and looking pretty good.  Not prowling for anyone, just enjoying your night.  You find yourself at the bar chit-chatting with the guy next to ya.  Not planning the wedding, not even planning the next 5 minutes, just....chatting.  10 minutes later in the restroom...there She is...either the chicks best friend or the chick herself.  "Stay away from him!".  Ok, chat is just that, chat.  If she didn't have the gall to walk up during mid-chat or he didn't offer girlfriend info, sucks to be her.  A woman shouldn't get her panties in a bunch because someone else held his attention longer then she's been able to since she started stalking ole' boy.  There is nothing more unattractive in a woman that a good dose of overt insecurity.  

I remember telling my neighbor when I was around 16-ish that pretty women intimidated me.  He looked me straight in the eye and said, "no they don't, you are intimidated by them, they didn't do anything to you."  It took me years to understand what he meant by that.  These days, not only do I understand it, I preach it.  It took me till I was around 27 or so to realize that I too had the ability to intimidate younger women.  I didn't comprehend it at first, I didn't fully see it. I asked Ex why certain women wouldn't talk to me or they would snatch back their boyfriends or husbands like I was about to devour them...he said, "because, you're pretty and well spoken, you intimidate them."  It floored me.  Me??  Intimidating?  Seriously?  

I have several friends who are single, smart, hard working, and fun to be around.  They are also independent and very capable of talking the talk and walking the walk.  Men like to be around them.  They also happen to be somewhat stacked and long legged.  Oh well.  Brains, beauty and a healthy love of good beer?  Honey, if she really wanted that dude, she'd already have him.  If you have to walk up to one in the restroom to lay down a girlish threat that makes you look more desperate than you actually are....well shug, you've already lost the dude.  

Ninety percent of the draw to certain women is the fact that they are secure in who they are and what they want.  This factor can also be intimidating to men, chances are, that's why that beautiful woman doesn't have a mate right now.  That does not mean she's on the prowl, it simply means she's waiting for the right one to come by.  She knows the right one when he stops and talks and looks her in the eye.  That, my insecure dolls, is how you know when you've got a mans attention.  

"Everyday I walk out of my front door I win a beauty contest."  Joy

To the insecure dolls:  How do you keep the attention of the one seemingly flirting with that leggy brunette at the bar?  Let them talk.  No one is a possession, he's a free man. If he is able to forget you that fast, you didn't need him anyways, and the woman at the bar will eat him alive.  Is he your fella and you feel he needs a reminder?  Fine, walk up and smile and say, "hi! My name is Jen, I'm Mikes friend, how are you?"  Hold out your hand for a handshake, if she's worth her salt, she'll smile right back, shake your hand, offer to do a shot with you and go on about her business.  If she's not, you became the intimidator, and you now have to hold your ground.  This does not mean get ugly and show your ass in a bar....this means if he really wanted you, you can turn and ask your guy to dance, he'll go.  If he blows you off...that makes the issue between the two of you.  You should thank the woman behind you for bringing out his true colours. 

Women who are out to break up a relationship are easy to spot, they lurk...and they will look like they have something to sell.  Any other woman with an "A" in How to Speak Man will simply look like she's out to have a good time, and believe me honey she'll have that good time with or without your chosen mark.  Classy women get the good men who treat them right, even if the relationship is short lived.  Non-classy women come out looking desperate, needy, greedy and end up with a fella who's going to play her for a fool.

So there you have it....before you corner the broad in the bathroom, stop and consider that man you think you're defending from a predator:

A.  is he actually "yours"?  or are you just hoping to nail him so you can hang on to him for a while.  
B.  is the woman standing next to him really freaking you out?  or are you freaking you out?  
C.  you do realize there are plenty of fish in the sea?

Ladies who speak Man:  Do you honey!  You're doing nothing wrong by chatting up a cute fella at the bar.  If you do get cornered in the loo by some little thing who you haven't seen anywhere else in the bar, much less next to said fella, keep smiling because she simply has a lot of growing up to do.  Immaturity and insecurity go hand in hand and they are as ugly as jealousy.  Don't sweat the small stuff, keep working out, keep making that money and keep that beautiful head up, you have far more class and frankly, are way better in bed. *wink wink, nudge nudge*

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