Friday, April 12, 2013

Sacred Sex, the Feminine Divine and Our Daughters

I've been obsessing lately over the Feminine Divine, both the ideas surrounding Mary Magdalenes true identity and how we approach the idea of feminine divinity in the modern world.  Of course we often hear about the images that are being fed our youth and whether or not they are healthy.  There is a balancing act to be done when it comes to the media and what's protecting them too much and what's allowing them to see the world they live in.  The thing that is plagueing me, so to speak, is: when did we become so jaded from crime and obscenity that we don't even see it anymore?  When we do see it, why do we blame the victims?


Courtney Stodden pre-marriage to Doug Hutchison
Go to ABC News and simpy read all the headlines, today there were two on the front page that heralded the stories of two teenage girls who killed themselves after being raped and humiliated by their peers.  One girl here in the U.S. was verbally attacked on Twitter and bullied at school after the incident--mostly by other young women such as herself.  How many videos do you see posted on Facebook that are of young girls fighting in school?  Most of them with mommy looking on or encouraging the behavior.  These are usually the same young mothers who allow their daughters to dress any way they want, giggle at them for "dropping it like it's hot" in the middle of the living room for various men and boys to see.  Schools are having to have mandatory classes for middle school age girls on rape, attacks, and bullying.  What happened?  Seriously?  What happened to our society that not only do we not revere our girl children, but we allow them to be pawns and possessions?

  
It would be easy for me to sit here and rage and blame patriarchal religions for the downfall of feminine love, but I won't, there's a lot more to it than that.  In the first 10 years of a childs life, their behavior patterns are learned, there are very few inherent behaviors.  Most inherent patterns are survival patterns, the rest they pick up from us as we react to them during their lives.  Did you ever have a grandmother or aunt tell you, "Don't gasp or run to pick her up when she falls down, she won't cry if you don't react to it that way".  That's entirely true.  A baby doesn't know that falling down is a bad thing till we express it to them.  All the know is, "hey, I'm not standing up anymore and my tush feels a little different".... Children don't know the difference between boys and girls until they are old enough to hide behind the closet door and take a peek at Cousin Andy.  Even then, they don't know *why* they're different, they don't know until we start talking about "you're my little man!" and "girls don't play with those". 


Courtney and her 51 year old husband a year later.
As soon as little boys and little girls begin interacting and we begin to assign gender roles to them, we are the ones who set the ideas of male and female, black and white, strong and weak.  By default, girls are the weaker sex, we do this because it was done to us, it's in us to reiterate those ideas.  When it's coupled by the images from the tv screen, magazines and other entertainment media, we get a society that is hell bent on keeping young women as weak as possible.  How many mothers over the years didn't teach their 13 year old daughter a simple self defense move?  Nothing fancy, just a jab to the eye or nose, a foot to the instep...something to buy time to run away and find a safe public place.  Now we are faced with our teenagers not just drinking, but getting so drunk they pass out and are taken advantage of and then slandered for something they didn't do wrong. 



So, where do we go from here.  Can we start by teaching our girl children that, no matter which way their sexual preferences go, they are sacred and need to treat their bodies as such?  They need to hold themselves and the boys/girls they date to higher standard?  What can we do to cast sex back into a sacred light, not have it be a good time arrangement that is over far too quickly and means nothing?  How can we make them understand that rape and molestation have nothing to do with sex?  It's about control and it's not the victims fault.  On that same hand we have to make sure our girls know:  you NEVER falsly accuse someone of rape, it's wrong and an insult to those who have suffered it.  Sex is supposed to be a deeply spiritual situation, that's why virgins get attached to their first, why women use it to get love and why men use love to get sex.  Yes, we are basic creatures biologically, so by all means have as much of it as you can get your hands on--but understand the act itself.  Understand that it's not a toy to play with. 


1980's Madonna "Boy Toy"
I have never agreed with the Catholic churchs take on sex, "sex is for procreation not recreation".  Sex was never meant to be about controlling someone, or to use as a tool, whether that tool was for children or to keep your husband happy.  It was meant to join two people together in a state of higher conciousness, why do you suppose orgasm feels the way it does, or why it releases copious amounts of seratonin?  Young people as a whole don't always understand the exchange.  I heard the phrase this weekend in regard to a young woman, barely 21, "she's too young to know the difference between 'just sex' and dating".  Honestly, in an ideal world, she shouldn't have to know the difference, the difference shouldn't exist.  There should be dating....and sex.... .  It should simply be a part of your relationship with your partner at the time, learning, and growing.  Otherwise, save the "just sex" for the Cougars who are divorced, tired and over the attachments. 

Forgive me if I got preachy with this one, but something, SOMETHING has got to give.  We are literally killing our daughters because they don't know they are something more than just a boy toy.  We, as mothers, also have to remember...they are watching every. single. move we make.