Friday, July 13, 2012

The Perfect Speciman.....

You ever have that one person, that woman, that man, that you are captivated by?  Everyone has one.  This isn't necessarily someone you'd want to spend the rest of your life with, simply taking an hour out of your work day to look at them over lunch  will suffice.  As animals we are hard wired to constantly seek out the alpha, the mate that can produce the healthiest offspring.  That animal drive is what attracts all us of to our life partners or "right now" partners and everyone in between. 

Let's say you're the happily married/shacked up/attached/engaged person, not willing or wanting to stray from the good that you go home to every night, but then "they" walk in.  You're at the grocery store, the gas station, in class, where ever, and this Greek God/dess (or wherever your tastes lie) strolls by you.  Now this isn't just a physical gut response to a pretty face.  This person has the brain, the talent, that unique thing that makes them interesting to more than just the eye sockets.  Fellas: it could be that long legged brunette who's positively stacked but can supercharge your truck....Ladies:  it could be that masculine anomaly of a man who is infatuated with Shakespeare....

You know the ones, you can't stop yourself from gazing at them yet when they open their mouths you want to actually converse with them.  It becomes almost annoying because you want the conversation, we all do.  We all crave that mental stimulation.....but then you look up after the 55 seconds you spent NOT looking them in the eye and think to yourself, "damn.....if the light bounces off a triceps like that...I wonder what else shimmers.....".  They manage to encompass both worlds somehow, or at least in your own mind they do.  You find that you remind yourself over and over in your head that there are qualities in this person that are deal breakers, most times the thought never really progresses past the right now.  Call it a living fantasy. 

I'm a firm, avid believer in fantasy's.  We need them.  I'm never been one to board the "we're naturally monogamous" train.  I believe we can be, I just don't think that's how we are biologically wired.  We fall in love with the ones who hit every mark, or as many marks as we can get at the very least.  Sometimes it's a compromise or even a settle, but very often if you're patient enough, that one comes along that ends up being the whole package.  That whole package however, always has room for a little fantastic imagery.  If coffee in the middle of the day produces a good conversation and you're able to go home and utilize said conversation, (and by utilize I mean throw it on your lover like a rabid squirrel in the middle of spring) go with it. 

Remember your boundaries, but remember your primal instincts too.  Beautiful people were made for a reason, just as not so beautiful people were.  I believe there is a mate for everyone on this planet, and I believe that everyone has their own fantasy.  We wouldn't be human if we if we didn't sit back and let our imagination run wild with the checkout girl or the UPS guy. 

Oh and try to remember to call out the right names in bed ;-) Little Suzie cupcake baker doesn't need to come up during the deed....unless that's how ya'll roll of course........

Saturday, July 7, 2012

In the beginning....

This is the maiden voyage for my second little blog.  You see, I've been having sex for the last 20 years, I like to consider myself somewhat of an amateur expert on the subject.  This will be a collective effort however, as I know many folks that have their two cents to add to the discussion.  I invite any and all readers to leave comments and let me know what you think or, if there are questions, please feel free to send them on.  All comments will be moderated, if there's a question or something you'd like advised or addressed in anonymity, please feel free.
This is not the place however, to put your Saturday conquests.  That's great if you found out fun new things, we just don't need graphic details.  This is also a LGBT friendly site, I do not discriminate as to what goes on in any ones bedroom.  Any comments that are abusive will not be published, period.  Depending on the content, the writer can be blocked and reported.  Keep the comments as clean as you can, and peace will abound.

That being said, let's move on to the meat of the matter.

One of my favourite porn stars, Ms. Katie Morgan has a SmodCast show on Friday nights offering advice and whatnot on the subject of sex.  I admire the hell out of this woman.  She, like many others, has managed to take a subject that is somewhat delicate and make it valid.  If you have HBO, she also has a show there, giving fun tips and funny facts.  I am by no means a Katie Morgan, however, I am a woman who has had a lot of sex, and I've had endless discussions on the matter. 

I have never been one to connect sex and love.  I think that's because I started at such an early age.  I was 15 when I had my first date, my first time and my first real boyfriend.  I figured, that's what girls do, I wanted to make sure he went out with me again.  Well, I didn't learn till years later that I probably didn't need to "go all the way" with him to get a second date, but I'm sure it didn't hurt the situation.  We dated 10 months, and it was nice.  My second serious boyfriend a year or so later was 18 and I was his first....we were supposed to get married.  We didn't of course, I went off to college to a "big city" and have been there ever since. 

I did marry, he and I had an...adventurous? say the least.  At the risk of offending or putting too much laundry out, I won't go into too many details, but will say this:  he and I went down roads that most married folk would not be able to handle.  Yes, there were other women in the mix, and on a rare occasion a random man.  I learned many a lesson about those roads, and I know now what can be fun and what's a recipe for disaster.  When it comes down to trust and issues there, there are things folks shouldn't try no matter how fun or hip it may sound.  The trust issue doesn't even have to be within the couple, all it takes is for one person involved to have a hangup.  Perhaps they were hurt before, or they simply have problems connecting.  On the flip side of the coin, maybe the one hoping for said interactions wants it too much.  Maybe they need something that the one they're with can't provide in full.  If that is the case, cut bait and know when to run. 

It can be something to the vein of, he's a cross dresser living with a staunch conservative woman.  She will cave on oral sex or something of the like, because it's socially acceptable; but to have her man steal her garters...that's a little over the top.  Everyone has a fetish.  Everyone has a hangup.  Maybe you don't want to tell your partner you're into blindfolds and handcuffs, and on the other end, maybe you're partner doesn't want to tell you they actually abhor naughty underwear..... When in a serious relationship, know when to say when, and know when to realize that a person wants what they want.  If for some reason it's odd or difficult to accept, you have to be able to speak up and say something.  Forcing a person to be someone they are not, or having them live in a closet (so to speak) is unhealthy for both. 

Bottom line:  Sex is a two way street and it's important.  As long as both parties involved are comfortable, happy, consensual, and willing to give a little, it's all good.