Sunday, November 4, 2012

Sex vs. Violence

I've had many a talk with moms and dads over the years over the subject of what to censor from children.  Most parents will allow their children a somewhat violent movie over something with a little gratuitous sex or a heavy kissing scene.  I know a few parents who limit both, the don't promote one over the other.  I've never quite understood the idea of violence being more acceptable in society than sex.  Violence as a natural thing, is strictly a life preserver.  The stronger male wins the village and the mate, the stronger female wins the strong mate, therefore strong children, but that's where the necessity stops.  Violence for the sake of violence is strictly a human invention.  We are the only species that kills for pleasure or the simple sake of taking life. 

Sex, on the other hand, is necessary for life and love.  Sex is a totally natural thing that is prevalent in all species.  There are animals besides humans that have sex for pleasure.  Apes, monkeys, big cats and even dolphins interact in affectionate ways with their mates besides the sex act that is for offspring.  The idea of violence is to maintain status or for survival.  It is a necessary thing, but not to the same extent. 

So why the glorification?  Or is it simply that parents are so afraid of their children losing their innocence, a.k.a. their virginity, that they will allow them what they consider the lesser of two evils. 

What do we see in our normal society, sex is not revered, sexuality is looked upon as a taboo, women are viewed as objects, and anything sexy is taken to an extreme level.  Take the newest crazes, 50 Shades of Gray and Magic Mike.  I haven't seen or read either one yet.  I have no intentions of reading the 50 Shades trilogy, I do want to see Magic Mike however, my Texas honey is in it.  The books are about a powerful man, both in the boardroom and the bedroom.  He takes a shy, unsure woman and pulls her out of her shell and shows her a world of domination that she didn't know she'd love.  The idea behind the book is that women want to be dominated...this isn't necessarily always true.  Magic Mike is a look into the life of male strippers.  Women behaving badly and objectifying young men, a total reversal of what happens in gentleman's clubs.  Why the need to bring it to the perverse?  Why do we need to glorify the objectification?  Of course a mother or father wouldn't want their children to be exposed to such.

I do censor the movies my girl watches to a degree.  The general rule is PG13 and below.  Typically I'll watch the PG13 movie and see what's the ingredient that gives it the rating, if it's violence I'll usually have reservations about it.  I don't want to shelter her from the world until she's completely naive, however, I don't want her to grow up believing that blowing someone up and reveling in it is in any way correct.  I'd much rather the rating come from a love aspect between two people that are involved in a loving manner.  Do I want her watching anything where a woman is objectified or harmed as a result of a sex act?  Absolutely not.  I am trying to raise a strong little woman, who knows that society isn't always correct in their view of women in the world.  The Sweetest Thing may be a mommy movie, but Hope Floats would be acceptable. 

Between video games and subjects in pop music, they are surrounded by various ideas and images that stick with them.  Children are visual people, moreso than we are are as adults.  As we grow we become more diverse in the way we glean information and ideas, but during those formative years, raw images stick.  There comes into play a certain amount of attention to what they see, hear, and feel, even when they are not at home.  I have had talks with other parents about what she's allowed and not allowed to be exposed to, sometimes those talks were not well received.  The response was usually, "well I let my kids watch it, it's fine, they like it".  Ok sure.  They like it, and you wonder why their brother beats the crap out of his sister after you've told them that they shouldn't fight.  Children will hit their natural sexual ages without the help of TV or video games, it's just up to mom and dad to recognize those moments in time and deal with them accordingly.  Violence is learned, whether it's subliminal or obvious. 

To each his own when it comes to raising babies, we all have our own methods and reasons behind those methods.  For a lot of folks sex is going to be taboo because of past experiences or perhaps the way they were raised, for others violence will have the same effect.  And for still others, both subjects will be eyebrow raisers, or anything goes.  My personal take is to not force my past and various hangups on my child.  I am trying to bring a balance of caution and common sense when it comes to worldly things that I know are unavoidable.  Above all, I want her to know that love, sex and affection are all necessary things that must be approached with an open mind, common sense and a good attitude. 

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

To Have and to Hold...

In the light of the lovely Jason Aldean's recent, most unfortunate scandal, I am going to take this time to highlight some of the more famous love triangles and scandals.  Hope you enjoy!!!

We start with the Man in Black.  We know him. We love him.  He was a legend.  He not only cheated on his wife with several groupies, but had a romantic hangup with June Carter for many years. Vivian and John were married for 12 years, she divorced him in 1966.  Four years later he married the true object of his affection, June Carter. 


Next up is the lovely and talented Garth Brooks.  He became a legend in the 90's, hits flew off the shelves and he carried on an affair with Trisha Yearwood.  They vehemently deny they had an affair, whether they did or didn' was in the news.  He did divorce his wife, and he did marry ole Trisha-girl not long after.  I'm just saying....if it walks like a duck...quacks like a get the idea.
The lovely LeAnn Rimes. She and Eddie Cibrian did have an affair, they did each divorce and then married one another. She has even said in interviews that she was sad that people got hurt, but she didn't regret the outcome. At least they both stood up and and had the sack to say, "hey! I love this other person!!". Honestly, I have to say, I sort of admire them for having that courage.

Kenny Rogers was caught up in a fabulous phone sex scandal.  He totally set up a 1-800 line so he could have all the "safe" sex fun he could.  Of course it ended up biting him in the butt because the women later tried to sue him, saying he coerced them into it.  Yeah right.  Honey, he was probably paying well and you didn't have an ounce of fluid exchange.  Some folks are so ungrateful. 

Between Tanya Tucker and George Jones, you can safely bet they've been married to or shacked up with most celebrities in the business.  The Possum was married 4 times.  Ms. Tucker has been linked to several men, finally cancelling her wedding day with Jerry Laseter because she was pregnant with her third child and didn't want to walk down the aisle pregnant in her wedding dress.  Ms. Tammy Wynette is another serial marry-er, she and Kenny have both racked up 5 spouses each. 
These are just the fun ones that I snatched out of the news.  I'm not condoning any kind of bad behavior.  I will say it's human nature.  Sometimes you can't love the one you're with.  Sometimes the one you love is out there and you didn't realize it at first.  And sometimes, you just dig getting married, hey weddings are fun!  At least the receptions are, if you're doing them right....If the sanctity of marriage was so sanctimonious...we wouldn't have domestic violence, divorce or polygamy.  Folks would either wait and make sure, or fight for it once they dive in. 

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Sex Appeal and the Warrior Woman

This is a twin post to one from my Musings page.  I've been collecting images and stories of strong women from both history and fantasy.  I do love the idea of a strong, powerful woman.  Anyone from Tank Girl to Cleopatra.  While I was digging around the 'net for some pretty pics of various beautiful fierce ladies, I clicked on one of the links the pic came from.  It was another blog depicting women and weapons and other fun things.  There was one post that rubbed my fur a bit.  One of the photos in the montage was of Guinevere from the newest King Arthur movie, there was Kiera Knightly in her leather and woad, the caption was "this one is a little too tomboyish for me".  Ummm.  Ok.  Well let's see here son, if I was in the middle ages and wielding a bow and arrow, I wouldn't be traipsing around in strategically placed bits of chain mail and lace.

Who ever said that a bad ass woman had to be half nekkid to be effective?  Yes I know, in the strict realm of fantasy and fiction, the image of a powerful woman who could cut your head off needs to have a sexy balance to it.  Otherwise, folks would mistake a woman as someone who could simply cut your head off.  We have this base need to keep the female figure a feminine one.  The images he found less tomboyish (and more appealing) were, of course, the ones with much larger bust sizes, straining though bits of leather and mail.  Poor little Guinny here with her small and bound breasts didn't stand a chance. 

Now historically speaking, yes a level of nakedness was part of a Celtic woman's approach.  These women would go into battle much like their male compatriots, naked, covered in woad, hair streaked with pig fat, and scary as all hell.  They were effective warriors, but they were also effective wives and mothers.  There's a point even in the King Arthur movie where they clothe Guinevere and push her back into the ultra feminine.  This wasn't the image of her in the beginning of the movie, she was wild, Pict, and very much the warrior.  Why then, by the end of the movie is she in a flowing, flattering gown of blue?  What is so offensive or frightening about a woman who is as fierce as she is feminine?  Why do women need to be unclothed or feminized to be attractive?  Why can't the idea of feminine power be the attraction?  There is a certain sex appeal about that idea. 

There are men who love those "tomboyish" women, the ones who fish, hunt, fight, and do it all in camouflage or ball caps.  They aren't the makeup wearing type of girls.  Yet, there is a sex appeal about them, there is something in them that particular men find attractive.  We assume that a woman has to be curvy, and leggy, and polished to be sexy.  Most times along with all the frou frou however they seem to be, or maybe are, less capable of taking care of themselves.  Then you have the middle ground chicks.  We wear the make up, the clothes, and still manage to climb a tree or shoot a gun.  I'm a firm believer, sexy is as sexy does.  The men who believe sex appeal begins in the mind are the ones I wish permeated the Earth.

The ideas that I have issues with are these:  the only thing sexy about a woman is how meek she can be standing under a mans shadow; or, strong, independent women are dangerous and must be kept in their place.

Hell yes we're dangerous.  And a woman takes her power from something far far more deep within than the double D's she's toting around.  Btw, they ain't for you sugar britches, they're for the babies.  Just saying.  Women have more endurance and higher thresh holds for pain than men do.  We are wired for tedious tasks and stressful situations.  We just happen to have it encased in a beautiful package.  So I do suppose if we haaave to have the accoutrement, we might as well use every advantage we have.  If running out at the enemy naked and screaming made them stop and think for half a second, well, don't fix it if it ain't broke.  Feminine wiles are good for lots of things, and we have learned to hone and utilize every aspect of our power.  There's a fine line between weak and smart. 
There's a great line from a FireFly episode, Wash asks one of the crew members, "have you ever been with a warrior woman??" his wife is Zoe, one of the soldiers from the war against the alliance.  Warrior women are fierce in every aspect of their lives, the men who have a privilege of being with one is a deserving, lucky fellow. 

Friday, July 13, 2012

The Perfect Speciman.....

You ever have that one person, that woman, that man, that you are captivated by?  Everyone has one.  This isn't necessarily someone you'd want to spend the rest of your life with, simply taking an hour out of your work day to look at them over lunch  will suffice.  As animals we are hard wired to constantly seek out the alpha, the mate that can produce the healthiest offspring.  That animal drive is what attracts all us of to our life partners or "right now" partners and everyone in between. 

Let's say you're the happily married/shacked up/attached/engaged person, not willing or wanting to stray from the good that you go home to every night, but then "they" walk in.  You're at the grocery store, the gas station, in class, where ever, and this Greek God/dess (or wherever your tastes lie) strolls by you.  Now this isn't just a physical gut response to a pretty face.  This person has the brain, the talent, that unique thing that makes them interesting to more than just the eye sockets.  Fellas: it could be that long legged brunette who's positively stacked but can supercharge your truck....Ladies:  it could be that masculine anomaly of a man who is infatuated with Shakespeare....

You know the ones, you can't stop yourself from gazing at them yet when they open their mouths you want to actually converse with them.  It becomes almost annoying because you want the conversation, we all do.  We all crave that mental stimulation.....but then you look up after the 55 seconds you spent NOT looking them in the eye and think to yourself, "damn.....if the light bounces off a triceps like that...I wonder what else shimmers.....".  They manage to encompass both worlds somehow, or at least in your own mind they do.  You find that you remind yourself over and over in your head that there are qualities in this person that are deal breakers, most times the thought never really progresses past the right now.  Call it a living fantasy. 

I'm a firm, avid believer in fantasy's.  We need them.  I'm never been one to board the "we're naturally monogamous" train.  I believe we can be, I just don't think that's how we are biologically wired.  We fall in love with the ones who hit every mark, or as many marks as we can get at the very least.  Sometimes it's a compromise or even a settle, but very often if you're patient enough, that one comes along that ends up being the whole package.  That whole package however, always has room for a little fantastic imagery.  If coffee in the middle of the day produces a good conversation and you're able to go home and utilize said conversation, (and by utilize I mean throw it on your lover like a rabid squirrel in the middle of spring) go with it. 

Remember your boundaries, but remember your primal instincts too.  Beautiful people were made for a reason, just as not so beautiful people were.  I believe there is a mate for everyone on this planet, and I believe that everyone has their own fantasy.  We wouldn't be human if we if we didn't sit back and let our imagination run wild with the checkout girl or the UPS guy. 

Oh and try to remember to call out the right names in bed ;-) Little Suzie cupcake baker doesn't need to come up during the deed....unless that's how ya'll roll of course........

Saturday, July 7, 2012

In the beginning....

This is the maiden voyage for my second little blog.  You see, I've been having sex for the last 20 years, I like to consider myself somewhat of an amateur expert on the subject.  This will be a collective effort however, as I know many folks that have their two cents to add to the discussion.  I invite any and all readers to leave comments and let me know what you think or, if there are questions, please feel free to send them on.  All comments will be moderated, if there's a question or something you'd like advised or addressed in anonymity, please feel free.
This is not the place however, to put your Saturday conquests.  That's great if you found out fun new things, we just don't need graphic details.  This is also a LGBT friendly site, I do not discriminate as to what goes on in any ones bedroom.  Any comments that are abusive will not be published, period.  Depending on the content, the writer can be blocked and reported.  Keep the comments as clean as you can, and peace will abound.

That being said, let's move on to the meat of the matter.

One of my favourite porn stars, Ms. Katie Morgan has a SmodCast show on Friday nights offering advice and whatnot on the subject of sex.  I admire the hell out of this woman.  She, like many others, has managed to take a subject that is somewhat delicate and make it valid.  If you have HBO, she also has a show there, giving fun tips and funny facts.  I am by no means a Katie Morgan, however, I am a woman who has had a lot of sex, and I've had endless discussions on the matter. 

I have never been one to connect sex and love.  I think that's because I started at such an early age.  I was 15 when I had my first date, my first time and my first real boyfriend.  I figured, that's what girls do, I wanted to make sure he went out with me again.  Well, I didn't learn till years later that I probably didn't need to "go all the way" with him to get a second date, but I'm sure it didn't hurt the situation.  We dated 10 months, and it was nice.  My second serious boyfriend a year or so later was 18 and I was his first....we were supposed to get married.  We didn't of course, I went off to college to a "big city" and have been there ever since. 

I did marry, he and I had an...adventurous? say the least.  At the risk of offending or putting too much laundry out, I won't go into too many details, but will say this:  he and I went down roads that most married folk would not be able to handle.  Yes, there were other women in the mix, and on a rare occasion a random man.  I learned many a lesson about those roads, and I know now what can be fun and what's a recipe for disaster.  When it comes down to trust and issues there, there are things folks shouldn't try no matter how fun or hip it may sound.  The trust issue doesn't even have to be within the couple, all it takes is for one person involved to have a hangup.  Perhaps they were hurt before, or they simply have problems connecting.  On the flip side of the coin, maybe the one hoping for said interactions wants it too much.  Maybe they need something that the one they're with can't provide in full.  If that is the case, cut bait and know when to run. 

It can be something to the vein of, he's a cross dresser living with a staunch conservative woman.  She will cave on oral sex or something of the like, because it's socially acceptable; but to have her man steal her garters...that's a little over the top.  Everyone has a fetish.  Everyone has a hangup.  Maybe you don't want to tell your partner you're into blindfolds and handcuffs, and on the other end, maybe you're partner doesn't want to tell you they actually abhor naughty underwear..... When in a serious relationship, know when to say when, and know when to realize that a person wants what they want.  If for some reason it's odd or difficult to accept, you have to be able to speak up and say something.  Forcing a person to be someone they are not, or having them live in a closet (so to speak) is unhealthy for both. 

Bottom line:  Sex is a two way street and it's important.  As long as both parties involved are comfortable, happy, consensual, and willing to give a little, it's all good.